Is Working Mom Guilt Real? Ways to Alleviate the Stress

A mom friend sent her a picture this week. It showed her perched on the (closed!) pedestal on the toilet, resting her laptop on the toilet paper holder, while her daughter peeked over the side of the bathtub during her evening bathing routine. This is working mom life today—juggling two jobs at once but feeling like neither is done to the best of her ability.

What can be done to help alleviate the guilt of balancing working responsibilities with being a good parent? Is working mom guilt real? It can paralyze mothers with stress and trigger their instincts of fight or flight.

Ways You Can Ease Working Mom Guilt

The first thing to do is simply breathe deeply. When in a moment of heightened guilt, taking a few breaths can help put much-needed space between the situation and the mother.

Longer-term, changing perspective on guilt is essential. Is it so bad for a child to see their mom working and having to prioritize her time? It sets an excellent example, showing children that they can do or be anything they want to be.

Ordinarily, despite a child’s tears at seeing their mom go (and possibly her own), it’s an opportunity for the child to grow, form their thoughts and feelings, and make personal friendships without always looking to their mom for affirmation. This helps to overcome working mom guilt by realizing that allowing children to be in someone else’s care while working is not detrimental.

However, in conversations with a child’s caregivers, a mother might feel guilt and sadness when she isn’t there for a milestone or when someone else spends more waking hours with her child. This can lead to questioning if she is good enough in all her roles because many mothers have thought, felt, and carried all these emotions too.

Letting go of the guilt comes with acceptance—accepting what is and not clinging to what should be.

This holds true for those balancing working from home. How to stop feeling guilty for being a working mom? When switching on the television or handing a tablet to the child to entertain themselves during a Zoom meeting, knowing that it’s okay to be ‘good enough’ but not perfect offers more peace than trying to do everything correctly. A mother is not going to be perfect, and that’s okay. Being good enough is all she has to be.

Establishing boundaries with the workplace is crucial. A boss knows an employee is a mom, and when she clocks out promptly, it’s not due to a lack of ambition or slacking off, but because of other responsibilities. This doesn’t make her a bad employee or a bad mom for working.

Even if a mother dislikes her job but does it to pay the bills, she provides the means for a safe place to sleep and good things to eat. If she loves her job and is passionate about it, she creates a childhood where little girls grow up to achieve their dreams and little boys see women as equals.

Who Do You Surround Yourself With?

The company a mother keeps is important. Does the support system uplift or mom-shame her? Surrounding oneself with supportive individuals rather than those who impose what one “should” be doing can alleviate working mom guilt.

Don’t Follow The Rules

Relieving oneself from working mom guilt involves not adhering to others’ rules. Forget the rules. When feeling working mom guilt, asking “What’s the worst that can happen if I break the rules?” can bring one back to reality.

Limiting screen time is important, not just during moments of guilt. Giving a child undivided attention, despite the challenges of a busy workday, can bring peace of mind and enhance the ability to be a present and conscious parent.

Do It At Your Own Pace

Taking one day at a time is crucial. Focusing on the present, rather than future weekends or vacations, makes each day manageable. A mother should consider how working makes her feel. If she feels more well-rounded and grounded by working, her child will benefit more from a happy, fulfilled mom.

Don’t Judge Yourself

Self-judgment is often harshest. Forgetting something at a child’s school or comparing oneself to others can lead to guilt. It’s important to think about the bigger picture. Will these moments of guilt affect the child’s performance in school? No one is perfect, and mistakes are part of learning.

Getting organized helps. Utilizing phones for reminders and using apps or planners can keep everyone’s schedules on track.

Would a mother be better off with one full-time job instead of two? It’s easy to think stay-at-home moms are happier because they aren’t trying to do it all. Christy Lilley admits she has asked herself this question many times, believing that lives would be less stressful if she wasn’t working. However, she acknowledges that she might not be happier and that the grass may not be greener on the other side.

We can accept working mom guilt isn’t going to go away completely. But you can work towards alleviating that guilt and see the positives of being a working mom.

Love and Blessings,
Katherine