Some of these beliefs are so entrenched we don’t even think about them. Like parents must “make children behave” or they won’t! We can’t trust them to be considerate of others’ needs so we must force compliance to bring it about.
The choice isn't between 'power over' or becoming a 'permissive parent'
There is a collective consciousness that informs parents to use rewards and punishments and to come down hard on children's behavior or they will just keep happening. Parents will worry about what others will think if they don't use power to control their kids and fear that there is only one alternative to power and this is permissiveness.
We can’t teach consideration using rewards and punishments because it trains the child to focus on what they get or what will happen to them, not to consider other people’s experience of their disruption.
In fact, we can’t “make” people do things, we can only make them wish they had through punishment, and then they have ways of making us wish we hadn’t.
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