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Rethinking Shyness: The Strengths of Introverted Kids
Dear Readers,
Are parents concerned that their child is too shy? Perhaps their child is the kind of kid who hangs back in class or takes a while to warm up to new places or people. They might prefer to read or draw by themselves rather than play with a group of peers. It’s natural for parents and caregivers to worry about their kids’ self-confidence, as self-confidence is an integral part of growing into a well-adjusted and independent adult. However, just because a child exhibits shyness doesn’t mean they are insecure or lack confidence. They may simply be more introverted than extroverted—and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Eradicating the Stigma of “Shy”
In her book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” Susan Cain discusses how society largely undervalues introversion, despite the fact that over one-third of the population consists of introverts. Introverts exhibit many positive traits, including empathic listening, thoughtfulness, and self-reliance. In fact, because introverts usually prefer doing things independently, they may be more self-directed and independent than their extroverted peers. So, how can parents provide the necessary support for their introverted child?
4 Ways to Support an Introverted Child
- Create an environment where they can thrive.
Many children’s activities are geared toward extroverts. It’s essential for parents and caregivers to provide spaces for introverted kids to feel seen and heard. If a child is uncomfortable in group sharing activities, suggesting a one-on-one or smaller group session can be beneficial. Many introverts also excel at writing; parents can encourage their child to start a journal to express themselves or set them up with a long-distance pen pal. Thinking outside the box can help find settings where an introverted child can be most comfortable. - Don’t try to modify their behavior.
While it’s perfectly fine to encourage children to make friends, parents should avoid doing this to modify their behavior or push them into extroversion. This approach is unlikely to succeed. Instead, parents should give their child the opportunity to connect with others on their terms. They may not be the most outspoken child in class, but they could become a cherished companion to a neighbor or a family friend. Providing space for children to choose who they let into their lives is crucial. - Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings.
A child can be assertive without being loud or talkative. Parents should encourage their child to express themselves, especially if they feel bullied or ignored. It’s important to assure them they can always come to a parent to discuss anything on their mind. - Let them know that their introversion is a gift.
In a world overly focused on extroverts, parents should emphasize the value of introversion to their child. Sharing stories of successful introverts—such as writers, composers, artists, and politicians—can help reinforce this message. Reminding children that each individual has a unique set of gifts to contribute to society can empower them.
Introversion is NOT a negative trait! The next time someone comments about a child being “shy,” parents can confidently explain that quiet doesn’t necessarily mean insecure. Just like still waters, introversion runs deep—and strong!
As part of the Conscious Parenting Revolution, it is crucial to embrace and support children as they navigate their own paths. Parents can learn how to raise a confident introverted child by fostering an understanding and accepting environment.By Eradicating the Stigma of “Shy”: Why “Introverted” Doesn’t Necessarily Mean “Insecure” parents can raise children who are not only confident but also proud of their introverted traits. Remember, raising an introverted child can be an enriching experience when approached with love and understanding.
